When looking at a relationship the most important aspect is how effective the communication is being utilized. There are many reasons why having exceptional communication in a relationship is important, like affective communication leads to strong relational bonds.  We create a bond with someone through ways of telling them our deepest secrets or allowing them to know the real you. We also can look at how the communication molds the relationship, how managing tension, the goals of impression management, or how boundary management is set.  All these concepts are achieved through communication and improve the relationship that is beginning. 

            If we look at the very first case study, “Moving Up”, we see why it is important to maintain certain relationships.  Jim is an on-the-rise lawyer, working for a very successful law firm and learning his ways in the firm.  Right now he is only an intern, but hopes to impress the boss, Marc, enough that he continues his career at this law firm.  Every intern must go through a meeting with the bosses so they can advice the intern how well he or she is doing, the intern’s potential at the law firm, and what the intern can improve to become the ideal lawyer.  Jim thought he had made a great impact on the business by always being early, making friends with coworkers, and making sure the clients were taken care of.  However, Marc had a different impression of how Jim was doing in the business.  He stated that Jim is creating wrong relationships with co-workers that will no make him successful in the future.  If Jim does not create the right relationships he could become an outcast at the law firm.  The way that Jim can fix this is build relationships with his fellow lawyers and not the secretaries.  Relationships can help us become more successful because people care for the people close to them and a favor is returned when given.  Jim also had to work on his impression management, like Matt and Jennifer in the case study “Embarrassment.”

            In this case study Matt and Jennifer are newly weds that are discovering what marriage truly entitles.  Jennifer is a very closed person and wants people to see her relationship only in the good times, while Matt is the exact opposite.  What you want someone to see you as is called impression management.  This creates a major conflict in Matt and Jennifer’s relationship because they are not agreeing on their relational boundary.  This is a boundary that is set by the couple to what is exposed to the outside world and what are their limits of what stays between the two.  Matt breaks this boundary by telling his family the problems Jennifer and him are having in front of Jennifer.  This completely breaks Jennifer’s trust in Matt because she believed that what happened between them stayed between them.  From this case study we learn how important it is to communicate the expectations of your partner to have a happy and successful relationship.  Another case study, "Serious Challenges in Interpersonal Relationships: Betrayal in the Case of Chris and Sandy," hold the same problem of the lack of expectations creates devastation.

            Chris and Sandy were high school sweethearts that tried to continue their secret love affair into college.  Sandy began to find interest with other guys and one guy in particular.  While Chris had his mind set on Sandy and did not want her to see other guys.  This caused the co-orientation, when two people in the relationship have a common focus, concern, or interest, between Chris and Sandy to change.  Chris found that Sandy was not coming around as often and when she did it was for a short amounts of time.  Even though Sandy and Chris had never established themselves in a relationship, Chris thought they were.  Chris had the expectation that they were only true to one another and paid no attention to anyone else.  While Sandy had the expectation that she could see other guys and possibly start a serious relationship with someone besides Chris.  Unfortunately, after Chris found out about Sandy going behind his back the relationship ended.  We can learn from this by realizing how important communication.  If Chris had told Sandy that he expected her to only see him, or if Sandy had communicated to Chris that she wanted to date other men than just him; the friendship between the two might have been saved.  Communication is just as important in a long distance relationship than it is in a non-distance relationship.

            Looking at the case study “Distance Makes the Heart Grow Anxious: Managing Long-Distance and Commuter Relationships,” we see the struggle between Lindsay and Ron’s long distance relationship.  Lindsay and Ron have been in a relationship for some time, but have now gone off to different colleges.  Despite the hundreds of miles between each other they decide to stay together and make it work.  They communicate through texting, calling each other, social media, and video calls.  The biggest problem of the relationship comes when Lindsay discovers a girl posting on Ron’s Facebook.  Instead of Lindsay talking to Ron about who this girl was, she assumes the worst that Ron is interested in her.  This causes a lot of awkwardness between Ron and Lindsay because Lindsay doubts her trust for him.  When Lindsay goes out to visit Ron she meets the girl and finds out that she also has a girlfriend and is interested in strictly women.  This shows us how important communicating to one another is to solve a problem, instead of keeping it quiet and allowing it to turn into something bigger. 

            I have learned so much from these case studies, especially the importance to communicate your feelings.  I am currently in a long distance relationship and we have grown immensely from what I have learned.  I am someone who tends to hold things in and it hurt our relationship because when I did talk I had a lot to say.  After analyzing these case studies, I have found the best way to prevent a conflict is to talk about the small things before they become big things.  I have also learned the importance of letting someone in so you can create a personal bond with him or her.  This class made my eyes open to the importance of communicating. 

   
     A long distance relationship can be the hardest experience you have ever gone through but also can be one of the greatest experiences you have ever gone through.  I have been in a long distance relationship for around three years now with my boyfriend I met in high school.  Neither of us have been perfect in our relationship and our relationship has suffered from this at times, however I would never trade anything in the world for him.  I can personally relate to all the emotions and struggles that Ron and Lindsay go through in the case study Distance Makes the Heart Grow Anxious: Managing Long-Distance and Commuter Relationships.  

    We meet Lindsay first and find out that she has just started her first year of college at the same university her brother attends.  Lance, Lindsay's older brother, visits her in her dorm and starts questioning if she is really serious about her relationship and how she expects to have fun in college with a boyfriend hundreds of miles away.  Lindsay assures her older brother that her relationship with Ron is worth the distance, and she can still go out with friends having fun while staying faithful.  Lindsay soon finds out it isn't as easy as it seems especially when you attend a party and everyone is paired up, but you.  She feels like she does not fit in with anyone; she can't go on double dates with her taken friends or go man searching with her single friends.  Lindsay begins to look at Ron's Facebook and sees that there is a girl continually showing up on his page.  Now the emotion of jealousy fills Lindsay head and with this emotion comes hurt and anger.  The next week she goes and visits Ron finding out things are completely different from what she was assuming.  Ron shows her around the campus and meets all of friends, including Pat, the girl posting on Ron's Facebook.  It ends up that Pat and Ron are so close because they both know what being a relationship with a girl is like, Pat is a lesbian.  Lindsay learns how hard it is to manage the emotions that come with a long distance relationship and how to remain connected with one another.  

    The presence theory is the biggest factor in Ron and Lindsay's relationship.  This theory is the explanation of how present you feel to someone without actually being with them.  There are three aspects that relate to cyberspace physical, social, and self presence.  First, the aspect of physical presence and that can be achieved by playing a computer game or xbox game.  It is some type of action that makes the two feel like they are together in a cyberspace.  Lindsay and Ron do this by playing Call of Duty every Wednesday evening with each other.  The second aspect is called social presence and this is achieved by texting each other through out the day.  It is the sense that you feel like you are with someone in a social setting.  Ron and Lindsay relate to this by texting and calling each other every day to tell each other what is going on in their lives.  Lastly, the third aspect is self presence and that can be identified as your "second life."  It is how you want people to interrupt you if they see your social media.  This is where there is tension in Lindsay and Ron's relationship because of what is happening on his Facebook page.  

    This girl, Pat, continues to appear on his Facebook page leaving comments or appearing in photos. This causes tension in to the relationship because many "what ifs" begin to disturb Lindsay.  She brings negative attention to the situation and assumes the worst, this is also an example of cognitive hijacking.  This is where something in our brain that we think gets affected by social media or media in general.  I also see the ads on Facebook that explain to you how to tell if your boyfriend is cheating on you.  The top sign is if a girl begins to take over his social media, and in this case that is what happened with Ron's page.  So when Lindsay first sees this of course she is thinking there is something going on and she is being betrayed.  Little did she know that Ron and Pat are strictly friends because Ron is not Pat's type at all.  Another interesting aspect of this case study is the relationship between Lindsay and Lance.

    Lance sees to be a firm believe in having fun in college entitles having lots of girlfriends and different experience.  While Lindsay is fine with having a serious relationship at a young age and sticking with that one man forever.  When Lance questions why Lindsay is trying to make a long distance relationship work in college and Lindsay explains that Ron is everything she has ever wanted.  Lance responds, " And this is from a women with a cast repertoire of, what, two other dating experiencers?"  Lance is threatening the face of Lindsay by threatening if she really knows what she is talking about.  The siblings do not see eye to eye on this concept because they both have different beliefs on what it means to go out and enjoy yourself.  We can also examine what type of family relationship pattern the two demonstrate.  Lance and Lindsay fall under the category of pluralistic patterns and we see this in how they tell each other everything.  It is shown that family has a very close connection and a perfect example of this is when Lance talks about his new girlfriend Jessica.  He explains all of her good qualifies and then states that Lindsay and their mom will love her.  He wants his family to know her and accept her into their life.  We can also look at how independent Lindsay and Lance are.  Specially Lindsay takes trips across the country to see her boyfriend and continues to do so to make her relationship work.  There is also different opinions in the family, specially between Lance and Lindsay and what college is about, but that does not stand in the way of their close connection.  

    From my personal experience, a long distance relationship either makes the couple ten times stronger or tears the relationship apart.  As Lindsay learns it is all about communicating and having trust in your significant other.  When there becomes a trust issue in the relationship things will start to break down and that is when communication is key.  It is a lot harder to bring a sensitive issue up in this type of relationship because you only have two options.  You can do it over the phone which can lead to someone being able to ignore the question by hanging up or other excuses.  Or you can wait till you see them again which causes you to think about it for a long time and possibility ruining the short amount of time you do have together.  Both people have to agree to have an honest relationship with each other and always have the best interest for the relationship.  

 

     When you are in a relationship you are putting an immense amount of trust into one person.  You trust he or she won't tell anyone your deepest secrets, you trust he or she will always hold you, and you trust that he or she will always stay loyal to you.  We learn from the case study of "Serious Challenges in Interpersonal Relationships: Betrayal in the Case of Chris and Sandy," what can happen once this trust is broken.

      Sarah and Chris have known each other since grade school and became best friends instantly.  When high school came around their relationship was seen as one to admire.  Everyone wished they had a relationship like Sarah and Chris's.  The two had each others back, they were always laughing together, and they knew everything about each other.  When college came Sarah and Chris started to become more intimate together.  Chris always made sure that Sarah was okay and they both were there for each other in a heart beat.  Then everything changed when Chris got a feeling that Sarah wasn't being as loyal as she said she was.  There was a rumor going around that Sarah was seeing another guy from a different school.  Chris and Sarah did a good job of keeping their intimate relationship a secret,  and this caused problems when people told Chris the stories.  Someone who didn't know Sarah and Chris were lovers, would come up to Chris and tell him that he saw Sarah with another guy at the local hook up place. After Chris heard this he went around asking people what they had heard about Sarah and many confirmed she had been seeing another guy.  Chris was crushed and so angry that Sarah had the guts to betray him like that, especially after everything they had been through together.  Chris brought up the rumors to Sarah and she confirmed them.  After Chris found out the truth their relationship took a terrible turn.  Chris talked about Sarah like she meant nothing to him and she had never helped him out.  Sarah did not say too many negative things about Chris.  Chris was speaking out of anger, while Sarah was speaking out of guilt.  Their relationship never recovered and they began to act like strangers that had never met.  

      There are many different aspects of this case we can analysis, like their coordination.  Sandy does an act and Chris interprets what she did. Then Chris acts and Sandy interprets what he said or did, then she acts.  This cycle keeps going on.  When coordination is good the process feels organized and understandable.  In high school, Sandy and Chris were close and everything was organized between each other.  When Sandy begins this relationship with another guy, the way she acted with Chris was different. Then Chris interpreted it as something was wrong. Co-orientation is when two people in the relationship have a common focus, concern, or interest.  Sandy and Chris's co-orientation changes because Sandy has another relationship that is more important to her, and this causes the coordination to suffer and the relationship fall apart between the two high school lovers.  

      Next we can look at what type of state Sarah and Chris were in when their relationship changed.  When Chris found out about Sarah and this new guy he was hurt, angry, and jealous.  He expressed his anger through venting by talking to his friend and through attack by making rude remarks about Sarah to other people.  When someone is jealous it is a mix of anger, hurt, and grieving because he or she just lost something that was once important. Chris expresses this by giving Sarah the silent treatment and retaliating against her by spreading rumors.  Lastly Chris is hurt and he expresses this through being acquiesce with the situation or giving up on trying to save any type of relationship.   Sarah on the other hand is acting out of guilt.  She feels terrible that she hurt Chris but her new guy meant a lot to her.  She expressed her guilt through a little bit of justification but mainly avoidance.  To her friend that we hear the story from, Sarah does justify why she did what she did and how she felt about it.  Sarah does not want to talk to Chris about it and she avoids talking to him as long as possible.  After she told Chris the truth she also avoids the aftermath by telling people Chris is a great person and not giving anyone the juicy details they want.  

       I can see where Chris is coming from when he acts out of jealousy and anger.  I have been in a situation in some ways like this, and I acted completely stupid.  Your emotions get the best of you and sometimes it is hard to stop and think, "Is this really worth it?"  Relationships are hard to lose especially when you care about the other person.  Unfortunately Chris and Sarah cannot mend their relationship back together, but that is understandable.  However, I do believe that in some situations the relationship can be repaired because at one point that person meant the world to you.   

   

With every marriage comes a great deal of happiness and a great deal of compromises.  When there is an argument someone has to compromise and either learn to change their ways; or the couple has to figure out a way how to not let the situation cause an uneasy marriage.  Matt and Jennifer are newly weds and excited about starting a new life together.  One of Jennifer's favorite things about Matt was how open he was about his feelings, but she didn't understand why he was so open with his family too.  Jennifer and Matt have a big conflict with this and a compromise wasn't so easy.

     Jennifer and Matt were on their way to Matt's parent's house when Jennifer started questioning why they go to their house so often.  Matt didn't understand why Jennifer was questioning it because he loved seeing his mom and Jennifer getting so close.  Jennifer felt like Kelly, Matt's mom, was acting like she had know Jennifer her whole life and expected Jennifer to tell her everything.  Jennifer feels like since these people are not her own parents she does not need to tell them personal things about herself. Matt wants Jennifer to look at his parents as if they were hers, and he expects Jennifer to be extremely open with his family. 

      In Matt's point of view,  he was raised that he can talk to him family about anything at any time and they will respect him.  He accounts, or explains, his family bond as always being that way and impossible to change.  In Jennifer's point of view, she was raised to believe talking freely about your problems made you vulnerable.  It is true that the level of openness you experience with your family can influence how open you are toward others.  Jennifer does not feel comfortable with how Matt expects her to act because she has never experienced that.  So when Matt told his family about their argument about when to have kids, Jennifer felt extremely betrayed.  Matt never asked Jennifer if it was okay to disclose this information to his family.  It is important to find someone you can confide in and Jennifer thought she could with Matt.  Jennifer did not expect Matt's family to react how they did.  She feels that she has put a lot of effort into her education and she wants to pursue her career before having children.  Matt feels that Jennifer should get pregnant right away and stay at home, and Matt's brothers agree with him.  Matt's family begin reproaching, or criticizing, her actions and opinion about her own life.  His brother's make comments of her being selfish and get frustrated with her for not wanting a family right away.  The situation that Jennifer was put in was too overwhelming and she ends up leaving.  This is a perfect example of Jennifer and Matt not affectively managing their boundaries.  Boundary management is what we tell people about our relationship.  Jennifer and Matt clearly do not agree on this and it causes lots of confusion and frustration. 

      Impression management goals are goals that we try to achieve when we are interacting with other people.  We do this in four different ways demonstrate social competence, construct an impression, protect impression integrity, and restore impression integrity.  When we demonstrate social competence we are following general conversational conventions, or being polite. Jennifer does this when she tried to interact with Matt's family.  For example, even though she feels uncomfortable with calling Matt's mom "mom" she does it anyway.  When we construct an impression we build a sense of appropriateness in the situation.  We tell ourselves we can do it and we can handle what position we are in.  When Matt tells his family about his and Jennifer's disagreement when to have kids, Jennifer tries to handle the situation as best as she can.  Once Jennifer cannot take enough of the ridicule she walks out.  Jennifer is building a defense or a guard against threats.  She feels like Matt and his family are attacking who she is, so walking away was the best option for her.  After this Jennifer has to rebuild her esteem.  This is the fourth form of restoring impression integrity.  There was a disappointment in the situation of her offending Matt's family and she has to now offer a repair and explain why.  The reason why she did it was because of what Matt did and this causes him to  have to listen to Jennifer.  There has to be a compromise of what can be told in their relationship.  I thought this was a great case study and is a great example of why communication is so important!   

The case study I found to be the most interesting was "Moving up."  In this story Jim, a recent college grad, started working a local law firm.  Jim is originally from a blue collar family that worked extremely hard to get a dinner on the table every night.  He is the only person in the family to attend college and graduate, known as the "brains" of the family.  His father always wanted him to come back to take over the shop, but Jim felt like he would be letting down his family.  Jim had been spending endless hours at the law firm showing his coworkers and bosses that he is worthy.  He makes sure to be the first one to work and the last one to leave the office.  He takes cases home to read over and over, to make sure he is not miss a single detail.  He gets up early every morning to run and have enough time to allow himself planning time on what needs to get done that day.  Quickly approaching was the big meeting with the bosses, so they could tell Jim what they thought of him and his performance at the law firm.  Jim was confident he had taken all the right steps to make this evaluation go smoothly.  He thought he had created amazing relationships with his coworkers and impressed the bosses with his work ethic.  Jim did his same routine the morning of the meeting, work up early, ran, relaxed and thought about his duties of the day.  That morning he has a strong sense of self, because he has been working hard.  He sees his relationship with his coworkers and bosses being driven by that strong sense of wanting to be a good attorney.  His understanding of what is going on is that he is doing a good job creating relationships in the company because he drives to be a good attorney for them.  All of this confidence changed after that meeting.  At the beginning it went great.  Marc, his boss, complimented Jim on his work ethic and the dedication he showed towards the law firm, but there is a miss alignment between Marc’s nonverbal and verbal.  In the beginning he tells Jim how awesome he is and how he is doing a great job for the firm, then seems to change his approach and his gestures.  He uneasily says how Jim is a problem for the company because he is not professional enough.  Marc says the way he dresses, his language, his car, and his friends are not the way the company accepts.   Jim has to change a lot about himself to fit in better with the image of a young attorney the company wants.  Jim needs to fix a verbal side of himself with the type of language he uses and whom he creates a relationship with.  His appearance is a huge nonverbal that needs to be fixed because people judge you on what you look like and how you present yourself.  That is the same with his car, having a fancy car is a type of status appearance, and people will judge you based on your car.  The first thing I think about a law firm is wealth.  So naturally if a law firm has a bunch of broken and old cars in the parking lot the clients will question the success of the law firm.  The same thing will happen with the appearance in the law firm.  Marc wants his employees to set off the impression that they are a successful and powerful business.  That money is not a problem for any employee because they work hard to support their life style.   Communication perspective is where we look at all human experience through the lens of what was made and how it was made in communication.  We apply this with the question of how are relationships made in human interaction.  If we look at the communication perspective of Marc vs. Jim they are very different.  Marc is making decisions that will have a positive affect on his business and what he believes the standards are to work in a law firm.  While Jim is doing things to impress the bosses, but doing it in the way that he knows how coming from a blue collared family.  This causes Jim to have to force himself into a communication and self change.  He needs to save his money more towards a new car rather than a trip with his friends.  He needs to spend more money on clothes rather than gas money.  He also needs to make friends with certain people so he does not become an 

outsider in the law firm.  Jim's identity will be developed through the relationships that he creates and his relationships will be created through communication.  He needs to make the right communication choices to develop the right relationships, which in turn will help him have the identity of a lawyer.  I can see where Marc is coming from, but I also can understand the side of Jim.  If it got to the point that Jim could not afford a new car or new suits, do you think Marc has the right to fire him from the firm?